I remember the first time I was asked out by the sexiest man alive. But not in person. In my mail box was a hand drawn Tarzan and Jane looking comic strip. Only I was Jane and he was Tarzan. It showed Tarzan (Clint) swinging from one tree to another doing the whole “AHHH OHHH AHHHH” thing. Then he lands on the branch next to Jane (me). The he said “Me, Clint. You, Mary. Let’s go out Friday”. On the back was his phone number. Who could resist that?
Who was this guy? Of course I wouldn’t go out with him. Yeah right. I called him right away. I’m a loser and have no coolness in me to wait even a couple of hours let alone minutes. He answered and we set up our date. We were going on a double date with a couple of mutual friends of ours. The other girl was going to meet me at my apartment and we were told we needed to be there and ready by 6:00. But I still had no idea what we were going to do. Oops! How do I dress for a first date when I have no idea if we are going bowling or out to eat or a movie or a party. My mind was flipping.
The girl came over at 5:45 so we would be ready and it gave me enough time to see what she decided to wear and then I knew my jeans and sweater were fine. At exactly 6:00 there was a knock on the door. I was thinking, man, these guys make a good impression, they’re not late. I open the door and it is a big guy dressed in a black trench coat and wearing black sunglasses. Now it was already getting dark outside (did I mention it was winter?). So instead of being freaked out this 6 foot 5 guy wearing a trench coat is banging on my door, I’m wondering why he is wearing sunglasses in the dark. But not to fear, it was Clint’s roommate.
I ask him, very rudely because I was a surprised to see him, “hey, what are you doing here?”
He said nothing, but handed me a thick envelope and walked away. So now who is rude? Apparently in the short time I met him he has gone mute. Whatever.
I close the door and the girl and I open the envelope. Inside was a tape recording, yes, a cassette tape and a Walkman player with a post-it on it saying “Press Play”. Like we couldn’t figure that out.
So we push play and playing on it was a James Bond sounding Clint telling us our next clue was at the movies. So we think. Okay, we’re going to the movies with the guys. So we get in my car and drive to the movie theatre. No guys. So we are kind of looking around looking stupid and one of the cashiers, one of my roommates, says to come to the window. Ooookay. We go over and she hands us another envelope with another cassette tape. This time we were to the Johnny Kaw statue in the City Park. (If you never heard of Johnny Kaw, and most people who live here still haven’t, I will blog about him later). From Johnny we were sent somewhere else (yes, I admit I can’t remember where, it’s been awhile and I was on an empty stomach, that I remember). Finally at the last spot we get one that says we are to go to the lookout at the lake. Now just think about this. The Lookout. Sounds like a make-out spot doesn’t it? Well that’s what I knew it as. So now I’m wondering if I want to go, this is our first date and this guy thinks I’m going to drive around town all night and then go make out with him. He’s crazy.
Well, I thought, this guy couldn’t expect that - I did meet him a church after all. So we drive up to the lookout. There were the two guys leaning against the trunk of a car waiting for us. We park next to them and they ask “are you ready to go?” These guys are out of their mind. My car is now out of gas and I’m starving because it is now after 8:30 and I was assuming being picked up at 6:00 food would be involved at some point so of course I didn’t eat.
The girl and I both figure we’ll go one more place and then this date was over. Yes, I’m not a very good sport. I was hungry. And you don’t want to make me wait too long for my food. I do bite.
So Clint gets in the car with me and the girl gets in the other car with the other guy and I follow him to his house back in town. We get there and inside the table was set candle lit style. There were pots and pans on the stove. Poof. My bad mood instantly gone as that means food is coming.
The guys do apologize for us eating so late, they didn’t think the wild goose chase would take us so long. So now they have to make the dinner. Chicken fried steak with white gravy, rice, and some kind of veggie (who can remember the healthy stuff?). The only problem was neither one of them knew how to make gravy. One of them tried calling their mom to find out how, but she wasn’t home. So after I tried to tell them I knew how, they ignored me saying they were supposed to do this for us, they made a disgusting attempt at it. Which they immediately had to put down the sink because it smelled so bad. Finally they gave in and let me have a go at it. I, the gravy master, whipped it up as fast as I could, before my stomach could eat itself.
The dinner was great. I am not shy about the amount of food I can put away so I scarfed it down.
Next on the agenda was a movie. So the four of us move into the living room. Now it was almost midnight. Good thing we were old enough that this was not a problem. Except for me, in a way, it was. I had a 7:30 class that morning and was out late the night before. I’m getting pretty sleepy at the time. I’m determined to sit through the movie though. These guys went through a lot of effort for this date. And then sometime during the trailers….
You guessed it, I fell asleep. And the really sad thing is, I know there was no way to hide because when I sleep sitting up I snore like crazy. The next thing I knew the movie was over and I was being shaken awake. How embarrassing. The girl and I quickly left.
I definitely thought I would never hear from this guy again. But obviously I did, since we are now married. But do you know how long he took to call me again. TWO WEEKS. Probably seeing if he could find someone else. But then realizing, I’m one of a kind.
By the way, today is our seventh wedding anniversary.